Respect makes sense when both parents and kids tap into their positive, personal, power. As the parent, you are the guide, the leader, and the counselor for your children. Your kids need you to be the parent. Does this mean your kids are play dough to be shaped like putty in your hands?
My friend, Marilyn Wiltz, a master educator for new teachers and a former principal, sat down for an interview.
What Is Respect, Marilyn?
Respect is when both the parent and the child honor their own and each other's positive, personal, power. In school, we call that P to the 3rd power.
What Do You mean?
We Teach Kids and Parents to Think in Terms of These 3 Positive, Personal, Powerful Rules:
1. I control my own behavior, not yours.
2. I have the power to model good behavior.
3. I hope my my good behavior influences your behavior.
What Do They Have To Do with Respect?
When parents live by these 3 rules, they avoid threats, lectures, and arguments. There is no force. The parents respect the child.
How Does This Work?
When parents use threats and lots of reminders they lose. These tactics don't work and the parents lose their children's respect.
I remember years ago, when I was a teacher, telling my students, I only give directions once. They listened. Is that what you mean?
Yes, parents must start with their own kids. They must emphasize the good things about their children. Kids need to see their own positive, personal power. Parents must encourage them to try what they might not have tried without the encouragement.
Would, "I like how you went to your room and did your homework?" be an example?
Yes, that's much better than saying, "I'm tired of telling you to do your homework."
How Does Positive Personal Power Work for Kids?
When kids have been treated with respect, they treat others with respect. They know they can control their own behavior. They model good behavior and other kids feel their positive influence.
So guidance from parents is respectful. And respected kids treat others like they've been treated.
Yes, it's the Golden Rule. Kids aren't manipulated like play dough. They learn to control themselves and learn to encourage others too.
When I left Marilyn, I felt like she had handed me a treasure. I like thinking about respect as the 3 P's of positive, personal, power. I liked her 3 Rules too.
What about you? Please comment in the comment link below. When you do, I'll send you a gift with 7 Parenting Tips for Encouraging Respectful Behavior.
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
One more thing:
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