Motivation is difficult when you don't know why kids say, "I can't" or "I don't know how." Let's find out what this mother does to find out why children give up.
Motivation Problems and Solutions:
"I think asking questions about kids' reluctance to trying is important like, 'What do you think might happen?' For older children, offering open-ended discussions is important.
There are other times when children don't want to put on shoes or another task they are capable of. This is when I give them space and set them to the task with a simple, 'Well, I need you to put on those shoes before we go outside. I see you aren't ready yet, so I'm going to go take care of something else (like dishes, packing a diaper bag, or whatever else removes the focus of attention from the child).'
I tell the child, 'I'll check in with you when I'm finished.' This allows me to pull away from the situation. It conveys the message that I feel the child is capable. It also reassures them I'll come back and offer help if they still have trouble.
Sometimes, kids want connection from us parents when they say they can't do things they are capable of like getting dressed or other self-care tasks. This is why your typical 3-5 year old regresses horribly before preschool/kindergarten with, 'I don't know how' when they are getting ready in the morning. What they really mean is 'I want you to do it with me, and if I act capable, you won't!'
I think the motivation comes from my confidence in the child's abilities and the promise they aren't alone in facing challenges.
If We Can Learn Why Our Children Say, 'No" and What They Need Like:
1. They want contact with us
2. They want us to boost to their confidence
3. They want to do something more interesting
4. They prefer to do something else
5. They fear failure
we can solve the problem and help them want to try.
One more thing, intrinsic motivation always trumps external incentive in the long run! That is how I see it" ~ Hazel W.
Hazel did a fine job in helping us understand why kids give up. She gave solutions too. Asking questions, pulling away from the situation to take the focus off the child, and assuring them of help if they still can't do it when she comes back.
Her goal is to build confidence by believing in her kids' abilities. And with older kids, she discusses the motivation problems they are having.
Would You Please Add to Hazel's Ideas for Motivating Kids?
If you do, I'll email you a FREE Copy of my list for 21 of the Best Learning Toys for Kids from Birth to 12. How? Just leave your comment about Raising Motivated Kids in the comment link below and I'll email you your FREE copy. Be sure to leave your name and email address to make sure I email it to you before the holidays.
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
One more thing:
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"Motivation~33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids"
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