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December 28, 2010Motivation ~ Parents Can Motivate Kids by Quieting Their Noisy Minds
Can parents motivate kids with noisy minds? Expert Coach Gerrianne Clare suggests that unmotivated kids may have too many 'shoulds' set by parents, teachers, and others. These shoulds puts their minds in overdrive. Kids feel stressed. Let's find out more from Gerrianne.
One of the Greatest Tools Kids Can Learn Is the Art of Quieting Their Minds
"Give kids permission to silence those inner thoughts that can paralyze them from doing anything. Silence the constant mind chatter about not being good enough, or doing enough. Sometimes it's outside chatter and nagging to do more and be more that needs to be silenced. Help them find a way to develop a quiet, loving, and nurturing relationship with themselves. It can be incredibly rewarding and it can motivate them in the long run.
As adults we have a challenge in cultivating this relationship with ourselves. To model this behavior with our kids, the change begins with us. One of the tools I help people with is 5 steps to help quiet your mind chatter. This is available through my Family Guidance system program at http://www.familyguidancesystem.com "~ Gerrianne Clare
Please Comment on How You Motivate Your Kids
If you do, I'll email you a FREE Copy of my list for 21 of the Best Learning Toys for Kids from Birth to 12.
How? Just leave your comment about Raising Motivated Kids in the comment link below and I'll email you your FREE copy.
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
One more thing:
Join our Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com and receive FREE "Motivation~33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids"
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Respect makes sense when both parents and kids tap into their positive, personal, power. As the parent, you are the guide, the leader, and the counselor for your children. Your kids need you to be the parent. Does this mean your kids are play dough to be shaped like putty in your hands?
My friend, Marilyn Wiltz, a master educator for new teachers and a former principal, sat down for an interview.
What Is Respect, Marilyn?
Respect is when both the parent and the child honor their own and each other's positive, personal, power. In school, we call that P to the 3rd power.
What Do You mean?
We Teach Kids and Parents to Think in Terms of These 3 Positive, Personal, Powerful Rules:
1. I control my own behavior, not yours. 2. I have the power to model good behavior. 3. I hope my my good behavior influences your behavior.
What Do They Have To Do with Respect?
When parents live by these 3 rules, they avoid threats, lectures, and arguments. There is no force. The parents respect the child.
How Does This Work?
When parents use threats and lots of reminders they lose. These tactics don't work and the parents lose their children's respect.
I remember years ago, when I was a teacher, telling my students, I only give directions once. They listened. Is that what you mean?
Yes, parents must start with their own kids. They must emphasize the good things about their children. Kids need to see their own positive, personal power. Parents must encourage them to try what they might not have tried without the encouragement.
Would, "I like how you went to your room and did your homework?" be an example?
Yes, that's much better than saying, "I'm tired of telling you to do your homework."
How Does Positive Personal Power Work for Kids?
When kids have been treated with respect, they treat others with respect. They know they can control their own behavior. They model good behavior and other kids feel their positive influence.
So guidance from parents is respectful. And respected kids treat others like they've been treated.
Yes, it's the Golden Rule. Kids aren't manipulated like play dough. They learn to control themselves and learn to encourage others too.
When I left Marilyn, I felt like she had handed me a treasure. I like thinking about respect as the 3 P's of positive, personal, power. I liked her 3 Rules too.
What about you? Please comment in the comment link below. When you do, I'll send you a gift with 7 Parenting Tips for Encouraging Respectful Behavior.
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
One more thing:
Join our Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com and receive this FREE Gift - 33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids
Schools are treated unlike any other venues or place in a community. Usually such institutions are blessed with decent architecture and good facilities. This is largely because schools need to earn respect and trust of parents, who expect an environment conducive to learning for their children.
School buildings and their quality and structure play important roles in bolstering people’s perceptions of education and learning. After all, no parent wants to send his child to a run-down, uncomfortable school.
Are you aware that in most countries, government budgets on education are spent more on building school structures and facilities than paying teachers and investing in good learning materials?
That is the reason why many global governments complain about the currently higher costs of education. Are they to blame when most people generally agree with that notion? Most parents believe that beautiful and attractive environments are more suited to help children open up to learning.
This largely has to do with the psychological concept of association and the almost universal thinking that education is guided and influenced by the surroundings. To most people, education could not be facilitated in a place that is less conducive for learning.
This view is most likely true. How can students be expected to focus on studies if they are distracted by the inferiority of their classrooms? How will teachers have the drive to teach if they are unmotivated due to poor infrastructure and facilities?
Parents draw appropriateness from identifiable and physical features. It’s not surprising, then, that many of them judge schools with the most beautiful campuses as among the best, without even looking into the overall quality of education available there. This causes schools to work harder to beautify and upgrade their facilities and buildings while accepting new students.
In developing nations, schools are more likely to be judged by their cleanliness and aesthetic appearance. Many parents and children complain about the lack and low quality of education, without really assessing the quality of teaching and mode of instructions. This perception is very much alive not just in third-world countries but also in more developed ones.
Parents tend to judge schools with the most beautiful campuses as among the best
In the US, it is common knowledge that school infrastructure comprises a large chunk of the investment that goes into setting up an educational institution. In fact, many schools in the US are designed by famous architects. Most people would be in awe if they happened to visit and appreciate the splendid architecture of some of the famous campuses on that side of the planet.
In the view of real educators, education should go beyond such superficialities. The students who are most willing and motivated to learn will open their minds to learning, no matter how bad their surroundings are. The best driven teachers will always strive to teach no matter how distracted and unmotivated they are.
You probably have your own fond memories of your school life. If you were one of those who were fortunate to study in a good institution, you might feel that your education would not have been complete if not for a beautiful and comfortable school environment.
While such structures are important, parents should not forget that the content, quality, and overall effectiveness of curriculum and teaching modes are far more important than just the facilities. School buildings really facilitate education, but its the drive and motivation of students and teachers that really makes a difference.
How to Motivate Children in the Classroom – NLP Parenting and Teachers program highlights the strategies and techniques that can be applied to develop positively motivated children or students at home, school or seminar rooms. The practical strategies and techniques include a combination of common sense judgment and Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) techniques to enrich and motivate kids and students in school, home and social interactions right through to their adult lives.Positive Discipline. In The. Classroom Teacher’s Package – Hundreds of schools use these amazingly effective strategies for restoring order and civility to today’s turbulent classrooms. Now you too can use this philosophy as a foundation for fostering cooperation, problem-solving skills, and mutual respect in children. Imagine, instead of controlling behavior, you can be teaching; instead of confronting apathy, you will enjoy motivated, eager students!How To Create A High-Quality Preschool Classroom – How a preschool teacher can gain the skills, knowledge and resources to develop a high-quality classroom designed to prepare children for kindergarten. Learn how to create a literacy based, hands on, developmentally appropriate classroom
Boarding Schools And Technology: Stay In Touch With Your Child’s School LifeAwaaz Do: Speak Up For Every Child’s Right To EducationPreschool Learning: The Importance Of Elementary EducationPositive Classroom Management: Strategies For School TeachersWhy Getting A College Degree Is Not Getting An Education
Motivation works best when kids gain self-satisfaction. This mother works with her girls to see the satisfaction they can gain if they try. Find out what she does inside.
"Arrgh! Motivation is not a simple topic! Motivation can be words of encouragement, positive affirmations, avoiding the negatives, and boosting the positives. I teach my girls life is not a competition, if you do something it is for yourself and for your own self-satisfaction. I tell them there is no harm in asking for help. In fact, it’s excellent to ask for help. It encourages team spirit, the learning process, and a keen understanding of our own limitations.
In the young child I use a combination of flattery, rainbow charts, ego boosting, humor, lots of hugs, and little steps towards goals.
In the older child I seek out the worries and help them find the path that gives them self-motivation. If it is simply because they hate something but they have to do it, I try to find the one thing that will turn it around to being a bit more interesting. Math, for instance, is the big, ‘Do I have too?’ in our house. However, it's usually because the questions are dry or the solution limited. So we look to color it up a bit by introducing a practical side or alternative break down method.
Money is not a motivation I use but having friends come for a sleep over is.
I sponsored my elder child in a task in which she was insecure. I took the focus off her fear, and placed it on gaining something for her chosen charity. I did this when she was forced to take part in a school sports day which she really found difficult, due to her dyspraxia. She went off determined to fleece me out of my ‘dress fund,’ and succeeded! LOL! Funny because this is the same child, who would rock climb all day, if given the chance.
But above all, I take the time to show our girls they have the ability to achieve anything if they only give it a go. If it doesn’t work out, they can take heart that they tried because from each trial a new thing is learned." ~ Mrs. Sanders
What I Like about Mrs Sander's Parenting Tips for Motivating Kids:
Her last line..."because from each trial something new is learned" flows through her motivating ideas. I smiled at how she focused her daughter away from fear to achieving something for her favorite charity.
She gave many examples for motivating young children. As her daughters have grown she's moved on to sleep overs and focusing on the good in the challenges her girls face, even math.
Mrs. Sanders sounds like a positive mother who adds fun to her motivating talent.
Would You Please Add to Mrs. Sander's Ideas for Motivating Kids?
If you do, I'll email you a FREE Copy of my list for 21 of the Best Learning Toys for Kids from Birth to 12.
How? Just leave your comment about Raising Motivated Kids in the comment link below and I'll email you your FREE copy. Be sure to leave your name and email address to make sure you receive it.
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
One more thing:
Join our Parenting Skills Blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com and receive FREE "Motivation~33 Expert Ways to Motivate Your Kids"
Almost as soon as your child begins to talk, you’ll start to hear him ask for things. In fact, when an infant cries, he’s asking for food or to be made more comfortable. By the time he reaches the age of four or five, his constant refrain becomes: “Can I have this, Mom? Can I have that?”
The unending requests for new toys or candy and an “I want it now” attitude may follow you every time you go to the store. Parents want to give to their kids for many reasons. It’s partly instinctual – back in the Stone Age, “giving to your child” might have meant providing food, shelter and protection. Those urges are still there.
Unfortunately, if you give in to every little want and need your child expresses, you are really feeding and nurturing a sense of false entitlement – which I believe can lead to problems later on.
The attitude of a child with a false sense of entitlement is, “I am, therefore give to me.”
I think it’s important to keep in mind that parents and kids get some powerful messages in our society. One of the most prevalent is, “The more you give your child, the better parent you are.”
Children are also led to believe they’re entitled to receive. Commercials, TV shows, movies, and their friends at school all tell kids, “This is the new thing. This is what everybody’s getting. If you don’t have it, you won’t be cool.”
So it’s easy for you as a parent to feel obligated to give to your child – and pretty soon, your child will grow to expect it. This can lead to parents giving much more than their kids need – and sometimes, more than their family can really afford.
Children also get a false sense of entitlement by being overly praised for things, and rewarded for tasks that they should be doing as a matter of course. There’s nothing wrong with rewarding achievement and excellence, but it becomes a problem when you reward mediocre efforts.
I’ve also worked with many parents who have the following fantasy: they imagine their child talking to their friends, saying, “My parents are great. They got me these new sneakers.” Or, “My dad’s the best – he bought me this bike.”
Maybe your child is saying that, and maybe he’s not. Regardless, this thought often makes parents feel proud and good about themselves, and it motivates them to spend more than is good or necessary. There are those parents who want to be their child’s friend – and consequently, they will often buy their child things because they’re afraid they’ll lose the friendship.
This pattern may continue until the child reaches young adulthood. By that time, he firmly believes that his parents “owe” him whatever he wants. So the confluence of instinct and social pressure – and the need to be liked by their kids – can often make parents overindulge their children.
Let me be clear: I’m not saying it’s not a good thing to give to your children. But I do believe that the way you give to them can either help them develop a sense of ownership by earning things, or nurture a sense of false entitlement because they’re usually getting what they want, when they want it.
"I want it now!"
And when kids grow up with a false sense of entitlement, you’ll see them thinking they’re entitled to expensive toys, electronic gadgets, trips and cars without having to earn them. They will do poorly in school and still want that car when they turn 18 – and expect to get it.
They’ll even tell their parents there’s something wrong with them if they don’t give them what they want, regardless of the family’s financial situation. The attitude of a child with a false sense of entitlement is, “I am, therefore give to me.”
So how do you challenge that false sense of entitlement in kids, and why is it so important to do so? I believe it’s critical to challenge them because once your child grows up and goes out into the real world, he will have to work for what he wants, just like everyone else.
So as a parent, it’s important that you teach your child the value of hard work and earning things. He needs to really see that integral connection between making an effort and achieving success. Conversely, when things are handed to your child, the message he’s getting is, “You don’t need to do anything – everything will be given to you in life just because you’re you.”
If you want to start challenging this pattern in your child, I recommend the following techniques.
Ask Yourself, “What Do I Want My Child to Learn?” Whenever you want to get a message across to your children, I think it’s important to think through what you really want to teach them. Ask yourself, “What do I want my children to learn about money and work to achieve success in life?” And then come up with a procedure that will teach them about finances. Some concepts which I think are important to teach from a young age are:
Money doesn’t come easily.People work hard to earn money; it’s part of life.If you want something, you need to work to earn it.You are not entitled to things you haven’t earned.
Break these concepts down for your child. You can say, “You can’t make a video game yourself. But when you’re old enough, you can work at Wendy’s for a week and get enough money to buy a video game somebody else made.” You can take it one step further by asking, “And why did they make that video game? So they could earn enough money to eat at Wendy’s.”
Use the teaching role to help your child start connecting the dots. Think about what you want your child to learn and what you want him to take away from the conversation, because that is going to set the tone for the way he thinks about what he earns – and what you give him – from now on.
I think it’s important to put limits on what you give your children. Don’t feel as if you need to give them every little thing they ask for, even if “all the other kids have one.” I think it’s also a good idea to talk to your kids and let them know that you don’t have an infinite supply of money at your fingertips.
Tell them from an early age that you and/or your spouse work to make money to support your family. Try to explain that you trade your time for money in order to take care of your household.
When your child asks for things, I think it’s perfectly fine to say, “You’re welcome to buy that with your birthday money,” or “Why don’t you put that on your Christmas list?” Or, “Why don’t you save up your allowance money and buy it?”
Saying “no” to your child does not make you a bad or uncaring parent—it just makes you a practical one who wants to teach your child to understand money in a more realistic way.
Let’s say that up until now you’ve been giving your child whatever he wants without expecting him to work for it. If you want to give your kids money or things, I think it’s important to come up with a system where you can deliver the goods to them in such a way that they feel like they’ve earned them.
In my opinion, paying for extra work around the house is better than giving an allowance, because it gives you more flexibility as you reward them. If you want to make some changes, I think you should sit down and have a frank discussion with your child.
Younger Kids: For younger children and pre-teens I think you can say something like, “Listen, I want you to learn how to earn some of the things you want by doing extra work around the house. I don’t mean by doing your regular chores, like setting the table or doing the dishes. So for instance, you could mow the lawn, shovel the walk when it snows, or clean my car when it’s dirty.
Instead of giving you an allowance, I’m going to pay you to do these things. We’re going to start this Saturday. If you want to earn money, you’ll have to see me Saturday morning to find out what you can do.” Then, determine how much you want to pay him for these jobs and make sure it’s within your budget.
Adolescents: When you talk with adolescents, you can expect a serious reaction to your words, especially if they’ve come to expect to get things without having to earn them. After all, they’re probably very happy with the way things are right now, and they may balk at the idea of having to work for what you give them.
The way you prepare for that is by saying to your child, “I have something that I need to talk to you about that’s really affecting our finances. You’re going to have to keep an open mind and be mature during this conversation. So why don’t we get together at four o’clock.”
This is actually a great technique for you to use with your child. I used to say to kids in my office, “Listen, do you want me to talk to you like a young adult or a little kid?” Naturally, they’d always pick young adult. And then I’d keep my word and talk to them utilizing facts, not feelings. That means I would speak respectfully, frankly, and persuasively.
In my opinion, when we talk to teenagers and young adults, we have to be as persuasive as we can be. So when you speak to your teen, try to put things in his best interests: “I want to help you earn some cash because I know you really want to buy that new video game. Here’s how you can make some extra money around the house.”
If your child refuses to do odd jobs around the house, the next time he asks for things, you can simply say, “You know how you can earn that new DS. When you’re ready to clean out the garage, I can pay you and you can start saving up.”
Let your child earn money for doing odd jobs around the house
If you have the financial capability and you believe in the concept of paying kids to do work around the house, I personally think it’s better to give your child money for doing odd jobs rather than give him a weekly allowance. This way, your child will learn how to manage his finances, and he will also make the connection between work and payment.
So let’s say your child gets $10 a week for mowing the lawn. (By the way, he shouldn’t receive this money until the lawn is done.) Then if he wants a video game that costs $50, he has to save for it – that’s how you develop a sense of earned entitlement.
Later, a job at Wendy’s making $6 an hour will look really good to your child. He’ll take that job for 12 hours a week part-time, because he’ll understand that it will bring him $70 a week. He’ll be able to buy a new video game every week if he wants to, and he’ll be entitled to do so because he earned it.
I think it’s important for your child to understand when you’re giving him a gift. To put it simply, he needs to realize that he’s not simply entitled to whatever you give him. How do you do this? This one is a piece of cake.
You just say clearly, “I wanted to give you something extra.” Or “Here’s a gift from your mother and me.” Be sure to differentiate this from the money you give him for allowance, or the money he might earn from getting on the Dean’s list at school.
Remember, the danger is not having a sense of entitlement; the danger is having a false sense of entitlement. People who have this mindset often hold a negative view of hard work – they put it down and ridicule it. They think they deserve things they haven’t earned, and they can develop contempt for people who work to earn things.
I believe that a false sense of entitlement affects every strata of society today. Kids who grow up this way don’t want the jobs that are available because they have the belief that they’re entitled to something better without having to make an effort. So that false sense of entitlement prohibits them from getting the work skills and the social skills they need to start at the bottom and work their way up.
One of my first jobs involved carrying bolts of cloth in a dress factory and loading trucks. I was 16 years old and I made $1.25 an hour. I didn’t think working hard to earn things was unusual because I had watched my father work all my life. He grew up during The Great Depression, and he always said, “If you want something, you have to work for it.”
Here’s the bottom line: When kids have a false sense of entitlement, they don’t see the world in real terms. When money and material goods have been handed to them their whole lives, the danger is that they won’t have the idea that they should work hard to achieve their goals.
Their view of the world will be, “If I want it, someone will give it to me” – but as we all know, that’s just not the way the world functions. Once you leave your parents’ house, it’s up to you to make an effort to achieve some success in life.
Sadly, you will often see older children living with their parents into adulthood, because that’s where things are easiest for them. But make no bones about it, that skewed view of the world is going to affect them in a negative way their whole lives.
The good news is that you can start teaching your child now about what it means to work hard to achieve goals in life—before it’s too late.
“The Prosperous Teen” Home Study Program – Do you want to teach your teens money smarts and not sure how or where to start? Published author Patti Handy’s DVD program, The Prosperous Teen, is the ultimate 10 hour Money School for your home. She teaches teens how to manage their hard earned money, how to stay out of credit card debt, how to keep track of where it’s all going, the importance of a savings plan, understanding their investment options and so much more.The 9-Week HomeSchool Entrepreneur Course – The first course of it’s kind to teach your teen not only how to start a business, but how to recognize opportunities in the marketplace AND develop an entrepreneurial mind. Teach your teen the basics of entrepreneurship so they can start a business, and earn high school credit.Allowance Secrets – Offering money as an incentive for good behavior won’t earn you respect. Teach kids to earn their own money and budgeting will become a natural talent.
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Many children get labeled as having learning issues when there is absolutely no reason for it. Recent research pointed out that as many as one in five children get misdiagnosed as having ADHD. The reason? They are younger than the other children in class and they have not had chance to learn how to pay attention!
Just being misdiagnosed is bad enough, but when a diagnosis comes with medication or special placement, or exclusion form some activities, it damages a child’s education for life. It is easy to make a misdiagnose a child if the person doing it does not take account of the variety of factors that influence learning.
I remember being told of a doctor who was in the process of telling a new mother that her baby had Down’s Syndrome. The new baby had facial features that are associated with this condition.
Fortunately, just as he was about to give the mother this devastating news the baby’s father came to visit. The father had deep set eyes and small ears. The baby looked just like him!
If the doctor had taken the time to meet the father he might not have decided that the baby had Downs syndrome.
This story illustrates the problems of diagnosis without taking all the circumstances into account. Many children are misdiagnosed because teachers and others do not have all the information they need. It is important to understand a child’s physical and emotional skills as well as their cognitive skills before a diagnosis is made.
If teachers had taken the time to look at the ages of the children they assumed had ADHD their diagnosis might have been very different.
A child who is too young for his class may be misdiagnosed with ADHD
If you are concerned that your child is being misdiagnosed by the school you need to find someone who can help you get the information you need to understand your child’s learning issues. You can take this information to your child’s school and insist that they have another look at your child’s learning and educational needs.
Don’t let your child be misdiagnosed, it could mean that your child is put on medication he or she does not need. It could also mean that the expectations teachers have of how well your child learns are lowered and that your child does not get the education he needs or deserves.
The Leading to Learning Diagnostic Learning Assessment – part of the 5 Step Student Success System- is based on a child’s physical, emotional and cognitive skills. There is no chance that a child could be misdiagnosed.
Calm Kids ADD Program – Increase your child’s concentration, focus and attention span and calm him down in minutes. Eliminate hyperactivity, increase attention span, eradicate defiant behavior and finally end the ADD/ADHD nightmare with the only treatment that combines cutting edge audio technology, behavior modification and diet.ADHD .Meditation – 5 independent studies say the same thing: Use meditation to overcome ADHD. But how? Most people with ADHD (especially children) have trouble sitting still, let alone meditating. Recent technological advances now offer us the key. And it’s surprisingly easy.Overcoming ADHD: A Guide for Parents – Discover how your child can end ADHD/ADD naturally, safely and without drugs. Learn how a child with ADHD got his life back from out of control to being happier and successful at school.
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How often are you fully and completely present when you are with your children? One of the greatest gifts we can give to our children is to be fully present with them. This can often be a big challenge.
When my three children were growing up, I worked full time as a counselor, wrote books, traveled on book tours, and pursued my passion as an artist – in addition to spending time with my husband.
The only way I could be fully present when I was with my children was to set aside “time alone” with them. “Time alone” was daily quality time I spent with each of my children, doing whatever they wanted to do.
During this time I did not answer the phone or deal with the many issues of running a household. It was time set aside to be fully present with them, not even thinking about other things. The message you give to your children when you don’t spend quality time being fully present is that they are not important.
When answering the phone, or getting things done, or thinking about what you have to do tomorrow is more important than being present with your children, they get the message that being with them and really knowing them is not very important to you.
When I was growing up, my mother was always busy. She never had the time to just be with me. She never wanted to know about my thoughts and feelings, or about how things were going at school.
She never had the time to play with me or just hang out with me. While she said that she loved me and that I was important to her, I never felt it. Words don’t cut it when the actions don’t follow.
If it is not important to you to just be with your children – talking with them, playing with them, taking a walk, holding them, listening to them, sharing love with them, gazing at them with love – then they will likely not feel loved by you.
No matter how many things you buy them, or how often you tell them you love them, if they are not important enough to you to REALLY be with them, then it is likely they will not feel loved and cherished by you.
Bring present with your child will make her feel loved and cherished
Your children need your focused attention, and when they don’t get it, they may pull for it in various ways. They may chatter on and on, trying to keep your attention. They may act out by fighting with each other, or by not listening to you or going into resistance regarding chores, homework, hygiene, bedtime, and so on.
For many children, even negative attention feels better than no attention. This may create a very negative vicious circle, in that the more they act out, the less you feel like being with them, but the less you are with them in a loving and attentive way, the more they may act out.
Think about how you feel when someone gives you his or her full attention. Doesn’t it feel wonderful? How often does someone look you in the eyes and give you his or her full attention? How often do you feel really listened to and heard by someone?
Unfortunately, many people are so intent on being listened to and heard that they don’t listen and hear. The simple act of being fully present with your children will do more for them than you can imagine. I have many clients who were deeply impacted by a friend or relative who really listened to them – even if it only occurred occasionally.
You have an opportunity to give your children a great gift – being fully present with them with your love, compassion, empathy, interest, sense of humor, playfulness, and affection. You have the opportunity each day, even if it is just for half an hour, to fully cherish them.
They grow up so fast. Don’t miss this opportunity each day.
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It is human nature to want to fit people into boxes with neat labels attached. Every school application form, whether it is relevant or not, requires you to set down your child’s religious persuasion. This makes for divisiveness.
Beliefs and moral codes draw a society together and prevent it from disintegrating into anarchy and self-gratification. All parents wish to provide their children with a firm moral foundation and see them grow into good human beings.
Whether we do this with or without religion is a matter for parents to decide. Naturally, your own spirituality is important to you and just as you impart education and life skills to your child, you would like to pass on your beliefs to your children.
Every family has its own set of beliefs. While one may have faith in an established religion, another may choose spirituality. Spirituality acknowledges a Creator or a Supreme Being, something larger than self. Spiritualists hold the view that every living thing is connected.
Agnostics and atheists consider it unnecessary to be attached to a religious community to have values. They believe that these are enforced by the example of adults and their explanation of how to differentiate right from wrong. They believe that people subscribe to religion because of the fear of an afterlife.
As long as children see you exemplify the principles of your faith, take personal responsibility for your actions, show concern for others, care for nature and your fellowmen and are happy and fulfilled, they will follow suit.
If you are involved in a cause, perhaps your child will take an interest too. It could be a run for cancer, feeding the poor or tending to sick animals in a shelter. Children need to feel the connection between what you say and what you do.
Children are constantly questioning: “Where did Dadaji go when he died?” “Where is God?” “Why do we go to the temple?” Kids want to know everything.
Answer the questions as best you can, honestly and age appropriately but before you do, throw the question around and make them think about it. It may surprise you to hear what comes ‘out of the mouth of babes’.
Religion is all around you – shrines at every street corner, loudspeakers blaring out religious songs and fiery speeches, shops displaying festival ware, debates on news channels, headlines screaming of pitched battles involving members of religious groups.
Even if you don’t talk about religion, your kid is bound to question you about all these manifestations. If religion is not talked about in the house, you never know how kids will react when confronted with unfamiliar material. You will have deprived them of the basic intellectual tools and they could fall pray to cults or religious ‘extremists’.
Daily indoctrination in some religion based schools may lead to fundamentalism and confuse the child unless the home atmosphere is open and questions are answered satisfactorily.
With the best of intentions, parents of the sixties felt that what they believed had to be enforced on their children. The strict religious atmosphere with a rigorous adherence to religious practice led to dogmatism or sent children veering in the opposite direction, the fallout being resentment, a sense of guilt and shame, and a fear of damnation. If they differed, it was not voiced, as children felt they were letting their parents down.
This often resulted in less confident, emotionally crippled adults. Parents of the eighties went easier on children as far as spiritualism or religious practice was concerned. While rituals were adhered to, there were less religion-dictated dos and don’ts. However, children still didn’t have the sanction to make their own choice as far as religion was concerned.
What worked for us may not necessarily be good for our children. Being part of a community and following simple family traditions like saying thank you before a meal, counting your blessings and praying, makes a child feel secure.
The child should be allowed to draw her own conclusions, without fear. The aim is not to control children through religion or spiritualism but to free their minds from rigidity and conventional clutter.
If you observe rituals explain them to the child so that he can understand the concepts of your faith. Be a guide rather than a dictator. In this way you allow them to formulate their own set of beliefs that will stand them in good stead through life.
Let your child learn stories from your scriptures as well as stories from other religions
It is natural to tell your children age appropriate stories from the scriptures you follow. Read them stories from other religions as well. Draw parallels and point out the morals in every instance.
Give them the Golden Rule, common to all religions – ‘Do unto others as you would have others do unto you’. Apply it in everyday situations, so that they realise when they are being unfair.
For those who don’t believe in a religion, there is always interesting material like Dr. Seuss’ books that teach morals. At no point should the parent make the child feel that his religion is superior or the only path to righteousness. Teach your child to respect every religion.
Besides the established religions, read them stories from Greece and Rome, where for instance they could learn what true friendship means by hearing about Damon and Pythias. The art and culture of civilisations reflect their religious practices, so you are actually helping them get a better understanding of these finer aspects by exposing them to all religions.
By restricting them to the tenets of one religion, you are curbing their potential, which in the long run stunts their spiritual and mental growth. Take them to different places of worship. Dwell on the similarities and point out the differences if you will, without being judgmental. Give them the freedom to question your own religion without being outraged.
Your objectivity will grant them the freedom to explore other religions without feeling guilty. By acknowledging and appreciating the diversity, they develop tolerance. When they are adults, they will ponder over what you have taught them, come to their own religious conclusions and be the happier for it.
Our goal as parents should be to help raise discerning, confident, virtuous individuals, who are able to empathise with others and help spread happiness.
“God will punish you if you don’t tell the truth.” Does that sound familiar? Negative connotations raise all kinds of fears in a child’s mind. One moment you tell her that God is kind and the next you invoke God’s vengeance! What is the child to make of it? We confuse children with our ambivalence.
Just tell the child why he should do what is right. If religion creates barriers, makes you narrow minded, rouses suspicion of people of other faiths, breeds enmity, we have to ask ourselves if religion is really working for us. Today’s citizen of the world balks at being ‘cabined, cribbed, confined.’
Introduce your child to the beauty and wonders of Nature – the intricacy of a spider’s web, the sun glinting off dewdrops, the silvery sheen of a moonlit night, the music of a rushing stream, the freshness of a new sprig or a budding flower – a reminder of the miracle of life. The impact of these experiences sees the stirrings of spirituality, which if developed bring an inner strength to face life’s hardships.
There can be no trust where there is fear. Children need to feel secure and believe that the world is a happy place. Nurture this feeling for the emotional and spiritual well being of your child.
While you have to teach children how to protect themselves, they should learn to think well of people in general. From trust grows the feeling that by doing good we help make the world a better place.
In this frenetic world, children are rushed from one activity to another. Tension levels increase. Children need to keep still sometime and be by themselves just as adults do, in order to reflect. How often do we hear the words “I’m bored!”
The art of keeping still needs to be cultivated. The beauty of Nature, soft music, a picture gives them time to ponder. This is when they get in touch with the inner self. If they do, they will learn to be comfortable with who they are and be guided by their intuition to do the right thing.
Simple traditions like saying thank you before a meal, a prayer at bedtime and counting their blessings are important. Contentment follows gratitude. Take children to visit the less fortunate in an orphanage, old age home or any other community project.
They will realise how fortunate they are to have a comfortable home, good friends or even a wonderful teacher. Help them see how lucky they are to have a grandparent, who may not be with them for long. Get them to understand that this is the time to show their appreciation for all that she has done for them.
By encouraging your children to contribute their mite for a cause, you give them the feeling that they can make a difference in the world. This becomes a habit and the children grow up into generous human beings.
Let’s not try to make children clones of ourselves. They need our wisdom and guidance but have to make their own choices to fulfil their spiritual desires, and we as parents have to respect that.
In today’s context, where interfaith marriages are the norm, what do we wish for our kids? While we may give them a blank slate to script their own religious, spiritual or moral path, it is our responsibility to furnish them with the tools necessary for their journey to becoming intelligent, responsible, moral individuals, in harmony with Nature and their fellow human beings.
If we as parents give our kids a stable environment, support their decisions and have a positive outlook, our children will learn to value life; and the afterlife, if you believe in one, will take care of itself. What you believe is important for it dictates who you become.
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This book by Jeff Kinney is the first of a very successful children’s graphic novel series, and it looks like Greg won’t be stopping any time soon.
Middle-schooler and middle child, Greg Heffley, is your typical underachieving, lazy, bad-influence kind of kid that the other parents want their kids to stay the heck away from. So that’s exactly why his journal, Diary Of A Wimpy Kid, by Jeff Kinney, is such a hit with kids and adults alike. It’s so much fun to read about all the trouble he gets himself into.
Straight off the bat, he tells you it’s a journal, not a diary. When his mother went to buy him one, he specifically told her NOT to get one that said diary. So this is his journal, and don’t expect to see him writing “Dear Diary” this or that any time soon.
He writes: “Thursday. I’m having a seriously hard time getting used to the fact that summer is over and I have to get out of bed every morning to go to school.”
His older brother Rodrick tricked him one day by re-setting his alarm clock, dressing up in his school clothes, and waking him up in the middle of the night during the summer. He told him he had slept all the way through summer and it was time to go to school.
Greg fell for it, dragged himself downstairs to eat cereal, and only realized it was a joke when his father came down to scold him for making such a racket. When they went to chew out Rodrick, he was in bed, snoring. “I’m sure Dad thinks I’ve got a screw loose or something,” Greg writes.
Once school starts, Greg is pretty disappointed to find he’s been placed in the Gifted reading group, “because that just means a lot of extra work.” He had tried to get put into the Easy group when they did the screening at the end of last year.
He acted like he couldn’t read the word, “book.” But he figures his mother is real tight with the principal. So she probably stepped in to make sure he got into the Gifted group again.
Let your kids read Diary of a Wimpy Kid to you
For Halloween, he and best friend, Rowley (an easy-going boy) charge the little kids money to come into their Haunted House. It’s really just the two of them screaming on either side of the kid under the bed. When one of the little kids curls up into a ball and refuses to come out, Rowley’s father put an end to their Haunted House plans.
When Greg refused to fess up to some trouble he caused, and Rowley gets blamed instead, their friendship is in danger. And along the way, they have all sorts of adventures trying to make money, avoid work, and have fun.
The whole book is full of stick figure drawings that illustrate what’s going on. Kids and adults alike enjoy the humor and crazy antics. This is perfect to get reluctant readers to actually read something for a change.
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In today’s workforce, even mid-career professionals switch jobs and sometimes industries when the economy goes bust or they have a sudden epiphany about their true calling.
Deciding on a practical college major isn’t quite as important as it once was, and you’ll more than likely change jobs at least once or twice before retiring.
If you’re feeling stuck in your college major or panicked because you don’t have a set-in-stone career plan, relax. As these 15 women prove, you can create a successful path for yourself even after years at home.
Martha Stewart’s had a pretty interesting past, and we’re not just referring to that whole jail thing. She dabbled in modeling during her days at Barnard, got married before graduation, worked as a stockbroker even though she earned a degree in history and architectural history.
She then moved her family to Connecticut to restore a 19th century farmhouse and focus on raising her young daughter Alexis. A few years later, Stewart couldn’t just stay at home anymore: she started her own catering business and ultimately developed her own business empire.
Former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi made it pretty close to The White House, but she wasn’t always into politics, not officially anyway. According to Ellen Goodman’s piece for TruthDig.com, Pelosi “was the real mom McCoy” to her six children, all of whom she had in just five years.
Pelosi earned her B.A. in political science from Trinity College in D.C. and interned for Maryland’s Senator Daniel Brewster, but she married the following year. An elected member of the Democratic National Committee since 1976, Pelosi didn’t actually run for office until her youngest child was about to graduate from high school.
Winner of 2009's The Next Food Network Star, Melissa d’Arabian is now a nationally known cooking guru with her own show about feeding families for $10 or less. Before reality TV, d’Arabian — who met her husband while working at Euro Disney near Paris — was a stay-at-home mom to her four daughters.
Charles Lindbergh taught his young girlfriend how to fly when she was just 21, a pastime she enjoyed for much of her life. Eventually giving birth to six children, Anne accompanied her husband on many flights and was even awarded the Hubbard Gold Medal by the National Geographic Society for flying all over the world.
While she didn’t have a traditional career, Lindbergh did write several books and has honorary degrees from her alma mater, Smith College, and Amherst College.
Dr. Laura is a huge (by which we mean outspoken) supporter of stay-at-home moms, and while she juggled her emerging career with attending to her family, she did choose home life over work.
Dr. Laura stayed home while her son Deryk was very young and limited her radio show hours when he went to kindergarten. Schlessinger believes that all moms should stay home for at least the first three years after a child is born, and then “after that, flip a coin.”
Wife to Bruce Jenner and mom to the Kardashian girls (and Robert), Kris Jenner is a hilarious (and tragic?) force on her kids’ various reality shows. Kris gets a paycheck from E! and is also cultivating her own entertainment management career, but when the kids were younger, Kris Kardashian – and later Kris Jenner – was content to stay at home, behind the scenes.
Laura Bush worked as a second grade teacher in Houston, TX, and then as a school librarian after earning her master’s. After marrying George W. Bush, Laura quit the education system to work on her father-in-law’s Congressional campaign.
When he lost, she stopped working altogether and raised their two twin daughters, Jenna and Barbara. Since then, Laura Bush has served as the First Lady of Texas and of the United States and has independently championed for childhood literacy, the public library system, and education.
Former First Lady hopeful Cindy McCain snagged returning war vet John and married him in 1980, months after he divorced his first wife. Thanks to Cindy’s family’s connections, John had a leg up in politics and fundraising, but after a stint in D.C. (that disappointingly included major social snubs and a few of miscarriages), the couple moved back to Phoenix.
After giving birth to three children and adopting a fourth in 1991, Cindy mostly worked as a stay-at-home mom, occasionally collaborating with her father on investment projects and founding non-profit groups like the American Voluntary Medical Team. Since her children have grown up, Cindy has become the chair of Henley & Co. and has partial ownership of Anheuser-Busch and the Arizona Diamondbacks.
Gloria Vanderbilt’s known to be a little eccentric these days, but the mother of Anderson Cooper has had quite a life. The stressful and undoubtedly damaging custody battle she endured as a ten-year-old, three divorces, the death of a husband and the tragic suicide of her son – which she witnessed – will understandably take a toll on a person, even a very, very rich person.
And while the 86-year-old Gloria now has her jeans line and a few smutty novels under her belt, she mostly stayed at home with her two sons as they grew up – between cocktail parties and hosted art exhibitions, of course.
After being a stay-at-home-mom, Martha Stewart has created her own business empire
The Twilight author was once so unsure of her own writing ability that she considered going to law school to keep herself busy. But after Meyer had her first son as a young woman – she married her husband three years before graduating with a B.A. in English – she said that she “just wanted to be his mom” and stayed home instead.
The idea for Twilight came to her in a dream, and she wrote the entire book for personal enjoyment, never imagining she’d have it published. Now, Meyer has been named “the world’s most popular vampire novelist since Anne Rice” by Entertainment Weekly and her husband Christian now stays home with the children.
Now known for starting the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation more than just being Bill Gates’ wife (and mother of his children), Melinda Gates has a bachelor’s degree in computer science and economics and an MBA, both from Duke.
She met Gates while working to develop several key Microsoft products, but quit after marrying Bill. She raised two daughters and a son before co-founding the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation with her husband.
What would the world’s children (and many of its adults) do without J.K. Rowling? The Harry Potter creator has achieved fame, numerous awards, incredible wealth, and even the status of Officer of the British Empire because of her contribution to fiction, entertainment, pop culture and undoubtedly reviving children’s literacy.
After the death of her mother, a divorce and a dark bout with depression, Rowling moved from Portugal to Scotland with her young daughter, set on earning a teaching certificate so that she could continue working in that country. But instead of teaching, Rowling began work on Harry Potter, writing in cafes so that she could walk her daughter to sleep along the way.
Until her death in 2001, Graham served in executive positions — including as publisher, chairman of the board — of The Washington Post since 1969. After college, Graham worked for the San Francisco News and The Washington Post, and soon married the eventual publisher of the paper, Philip L. Graham.
Katharine stopped working to raise four children, but after her husband’s suicide, she was named de facto publisher, and then asserted a more official role within the company. Under her leadership, The Washington Post led the country through Watergate and other important stories of the later 20th century. her memoirs, Personal History won a Pulitzer in 1997.
Fashion designer Lilly Pulitzer created the sun-soaked patterns that are still used for sportswear, beach towels, bedding and accessories today, but the idea started as little more than a lemonade stand.
Tired of sticking to her clothes in humid Palm Beach, Lilly – then a stay-at-home mom and “owner” of a juice stand – asked her dressmaker to fashion for her simple cotton shifts in bright colors and patterns. They were a huge hit, and even Jackie Kennedy and daughter Caroline started wearing the “Lillys” in the line’s early days.
Legendary editor of Harper’s Bazaar, and eventually Vogue, Diana Vreeland was an eccentric woman who loved luxury and eventually put her good eye to use writing a column for the country’s top fashion magazine, but she raised her kids in London and on Park Avenue before “settling down.”
First writing a column for Bazaar in 1937, Vreeland eventually became editor of the magazine, and is credited with influencing Jackie Kennedy’s style, discovering Lauren Bacall and Edie Sedgwick, and inspiring the character Maggie Prescott in Funny Face.
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