By Gareth Williams
Nothing can be more frustrating to deal with as a parent than having a child that just doesn’t want to share. Does this scenario sound familiar to you? Don’t worry, you’re not alone: more parents than ever are continually stumped as to how they can help their child to get past the “gimme gimme” stage and start sharing well with others.
Many child experts agree that children are born with an inbred “want” button – in other words, little children feel powerful and instinctive drives to “want” and “need” objects that are out of reach.
This drive is particularly powerful when your child sees another child with an object that once had no interest to him or her. It doesn’t matter – now that the object is “out of reach”, your child will want it more than ever!
The jury’s still out as to why young children have such an instinctive drive, but some experts believe that it’s how we as ancient humans survived – we used these drives and instincts to claim important ownership over our partners, our food and our land.
Whatever you may think of these theories, chances are that you’re just plain fed up with the “gimme gimmes”! So how do you get your child to share? Simple: follow these expert tips and your child will be the picture of perfect manners!
Teach your child that under no circumstances should you just take a toy or object from another child’s hand. Gently but firmly tell your son or daughter that one should always ask permission in order to use the desired object. Discipline your child when he or she doesn’t follow this rule (remember to stay consistent!) and praise him or her when she does.
Tell your child that when another friend or child asks if they can use the object, he or she cannot just answer “no” and be done with it. Rather, teach your child the art of compromise; instead of saying “yes”, teach your child to say things like: “Let’s take turns with that toy” or “You can use it for a little while, but then I’d like it back”.
If your child doesn’t want the object to be taken, teach him or her to instead say things like: “I’d really like to play with this, but you can play with any other toy here” or “I’d really like to finish my turn before letting you play with this”. Remember, results won’t be instantaneous, but by teaching your child these phrases, you’ll be setting him or her up for sharing success.
Sharing is not inborn, but learned as an essential social skillRemember, sharing isn’t just about letting others have a turn with a certain object or toy; it’s about showing the other person in question the kind of respect that they deserve. Teach your child that every person is unique and individual, and therefore should be shown respect.
Additionally, tell your child that he or she deserves respect as well. In doing this, you’re not only encouraging appropriate sharing behavior – you’re instilling in your child a fundamental life value that will last them long into adulthood.
Nearly every parent has been through the “gimme gimme” stage – just check out your favorite parenting blog and see for yourself! Yet it’s how you handle the “gimme gimme” stage that will determine how quickly your child grows out of it.
Lessons full of honesty, respect and consistent discipline will help your child to understand that sharing doesn’t have to be full of tears and temper tantrums – rather, it can be lots of fun for everyone involved!
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Teaching Kids to Share
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