By Smita Chatterjee
Maya was at her wits’ end. Her little Misha, all of 13 months old, would not stay quiet for even ten seconds without her. The result – stress with a capital ‘S’ for Maya.
Cut to Ria, whose every trip to the bathroom or to the kitchen for a glass of water made her 7-month-old son howl in agonies of abandonment. Naturally, both Maya and Ria wanted to know where they were going wrong.
Both were doing everything for their babies that they thought needed doing. In fact, Misha had an elder sister who went to kindergarten, so Maya was not exactly new to the whole baby rearing business. And still….
The problem we are talking about here is termed as ‘separation anxiety’, which is defined as a form of extreme stress experienced by a child if any caregiver, parent or sibling with whom they interact on a daily basis is not in sight.
It generally starts around the six-month mark and can go on till the age of three. By the age of six months, babies connect with the primary caregiver completely, and in shy or insecure babies this manifests itself as clinginess.
In the cases mentioned above, the babies had separation anxiety even when the separation was for the briefest of moments. According to experts, all toddlers experience this at some stage in their growing years.
Some adjust soon, especially where both parents are working or otherwise unavailable for long periods. Others take time, but eventually get used to the idea that sometimes mom has to go out.
At times, slightly older children (between the ages of two to three years) experience separation anxiety if a change happens too fast for them to absorb. Such changes could be in school environment, when the mother picks up a job, etc.
Separations are inevitable – you really can’t be with your child 24/7/365. As a parent, you can’t avoid separation only because you don’t want your child to feel the pain. To ensure that your child grows up emotionally secure and well-adjusted, there are certain factors to keep in mind to relieve both yourself and your child of unnecessary stress.
The first and most important factor is that separation is a part of life. The second-most important one is that at no point of time should the parent or parents ignore or ridicule the child’s distress. It is very real and very frightening to them.
Chances are that you will end up increasing the clinginess if you ignore the underlying reasons, and if you ridicule or punish them. Doing so may create tensions in the bonding process and the development of a loving and trusting relationship. The child might feel that he or she cannot really approach the parent in times of distress.
If you are working parents who employ a babysitter or caretaker, ensure that your baby has had a chance to get used to the new caregiver before you vanish from sight. As a parent, you must ensure that there is consistency in your child’s life.
This would mean avoiding a string of babysitters, too – limit yourselves to one or two whom your child is visibly comfortable and happy with. If you have registered your child at a day care center, go to the center with your child and spend a little time with them there to begin with. This will help them get used to the new place.
All kids like a particular toy or stuffed animal – their special ‘friend’ (you will know kids who sleep with their favorite teddy, blanket or doll.) The reason they treasure these objects is because they represent consistency and security.
Experts refer to this as providing transitional objects. Little ones who have some form of separation anxiety or the other benefit a lot from them, so make sure your child has his or her favorite ‘friend’ around.
A favorite toy or blanket can help calm an anxious child• A good way to reduce clinginess is by boosting your child’s confidence. You can begin by letting him do small things on their own. This make him feel independent and grown up, and that is important.
• When clinginess starts to manifest as you are about to leave for someplace, talk to your kid straight – as in “I have to go out to buy vegetables / get medicines.” Explain why this is important, when you plan to go and when you will return.
• Never EVER sneak out on your child. A firm bye-bye, a hug and kiss, a promise to return soon, maybe with a small surprise, will serve to increase the child’s confidence and trust and he will let himself be diverted by other activities. Make the child feel involved in the whole process and you will have a far better-adjusted child on your hands.
• With your toddler, play games like peek-a-boo where he controls the separation. Soon, your little one will get used to not seeing you for a bit. When you go for your bath or to the kitchen, give him something to keep him engaged. Keep the TV on – voices can help build a secure feeling in a child.
• Provide reassurance wherever required. Don’t let your child feel that he is being left alone because he was ‘bad’ or that his parents don’t want him. Such reassurance is very important, and offering it will go a long way in cementing your child’s trust in you.
• Finally, spend quality time with your child on your return to still any fears he may have had.
Turnaround: Cure Your Child’s Anxiety – A professionally developed audio treatment program that teaches your child how to stop anxious thoughts, calm uncomfortable feelings, and use proven strategies to overcome anxiety. Based on the most effective treatment for child anxiety (CBT), Turnaround uses a story to invite your child to join six other anxious children on an imaginary 10-day camping adventure that teaches them how to break free from their fears.The Art of Raising Anxiety-Free Kids – If your child struggles with anxiety, fear, or excessive worry, helping them overcome those challenges NOW can change their entire lives for the better. Subscribe to the free email course on raising anxiety-free kids.Bach Flower Therapy – A simple, effective and reliable system of eliminating common behavioral negativities, negative attitude and pessimistic thinking. This unique self-help technique of personality development and self-empowerment works for everyone from children to older adults.Child Psychology Information : How to Help Children Cope With Separation
Child Separation Anxiety Disorder
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