By Donna Vail
“The first and best victory is to conquer self.” ~ Plato
As I parent my children and mentor other families, one area we’re constantly improving upon is the art of self-discipline. Many parents ask me “How can I make my children do their studies?” or “How can I make them do what I want?”
My response to these type of questions is simple. Ask yourself “What am I doing to model the behavior I wish to see in my children?”
Humans are wired to mirror others. Young children especially mimick what they see and hear, whether right or wrong children are products of their environment. Be the change you wish to see in your children.
Consider this: as we’re raising our children we’re raising ourselves. No matter our age we never stop learning and growing. The real question is what are we learning? Are we applying it to everyday life? Remember our children are watching us all the time. What are they observing in you?
“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” ~ Thomas á Kempis
Do not be fooled by the image in your mind that the only way to learn is to sit at a desk in a room full of other students. This image is common for so many of us. This conditioning from past continues as a stumbling block for many adults and it’s transmitted to our children as we build our expectations of our children.
We must break the stranglehold of our public school past and recognize the true genius that is within us in order to unlock the genius within our children.
This image implanted into our subconscious long ago by “school” administrators is completely unnatural. The results from this style of learning are low and are continually dropping.
Yes, the child may sit there and do the work asked but the questions are: Is he truly learning or just memorizing to parrot back a satisfactory result for a standardized test. Is the student learning to apply what he learned to everyday life?
As you homeschool your children you’ll need their cooperation to sit as they do their work. So how do you arouse your child’s interest to freely participate? They will need an environment that is clean, well organized and free from distractions.
The next key ingredient is you. What are you doing? How will the child know what self-study or self-discipline looks like unless you’re modeling it? This will inspire desire to participate rather than the feeling of compulsory or mandatory participation.
“Be the change you wish to see in your children.” ~ Julian Vail
“In our modern society, whenever education is the subject, we always want to talk about the kids. We care about them, and we know their education is important, but we also find that it’s easier to talk about their education than to improve our own. In reality, you are unlikely to pass on to your children a better education than you have earned yourself, no matter how much you push them. The most effective way to ensure the quality of their education is to consistently improve your own.” ~ Oliver Van DeMille
Be the change you wish to see in your children1. Become a student yourself.
What can you study or read while they’re doing their studies? Choose some classics to read that will inspire you in everyday living. Do you have a hobby or special interest? Show your children that you’re always learning and growing so they can as well.
Read a book a month from the list of recommended reading I share today in the Donna Recommends section. Seek ways you can build yourself into a better person.
2. Be still.
Model self-education by sitting quietly. In your quiet contemplation they will be calmed by your relaxing energy enabling them to also focus on their work. If you’re busy with this and that, cleaning house or doing laundry during study time the children will be distracted to do “other things” too.
If you relax and gently guide them they will grow up learning this is how people live and learn. Even my absolute loudest child is able to sit quietly for long periods of time while people study because that is the environment we have created.
3. Create check points throughout the day instead of always telling.
Stop ordering and commanding your kids. The micro management approach does not work with children and it comes across to kids as nagging and pushing. This conditions the child to expect to be told what to do rather than think for themselves.
Create a checklist. Communicate your expectations but be clear that it is their work is their responsibility. Let them know you won’t be giving them constant reminders. Explain how the two of you will review the tasks/checklist during set check points.
Let go and allow them to do the work. Self-discipline will come. If you notice he is not doing work make note and save the discussion for your checkpoint meeting with your child. If he has not done the work then he must complete it immediately before engaging in other activities.
This is not always fun but when the child grows through the cause and effect of his choices he will be able to be better self-disciplined. This self-awareness is foundational to the success in every facet of life.
4. Create an environment that empowers success.
Observe and notice if there’s anything causing distraction. Eliminate anything that could be a stumbling block.
Clear out clutter, turn off the television, let phone calls go to voice mail, put away all toys and have a clean working surface for books and papers. If you work from home while your children study then choose tasks that are quiet and non-distracting.
5. Let go.
Release the need to always be telling your child what to do. It’s better that he learn life lessons in the safety of your presence at home before he goes out into the world.
We learn through our work, by taking action we achieve results. If we make a mistake it’s simple solution of finding the way that does work. Experience is priceless.
I keep this quote at my desk to inspire me to be an inspiration, “If your actions inspire others to dream more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” ~ John Quincy Adams
If you want your children to change and to be self-disciplined then you must first be the change. When something shows up that you don’t like then ask, “What is it in me that has brought this to my experience? What is the lesson and how can I improve?” Just ask and the answer will soon follow.
Remember to enjoy the journey and know that everyday you spend with your children as they self-educate and learn to be self-disciplined you’re investing in their greatness and yours.
“Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.” ~ Lao Tzu
Positive. Discipline Tools For Parents – Positive Discipline is a program designed to teach young people to become responsible, respectful and resourceful members of their communities. Based on the best selling Positive Discipline books by Dr. Jane Nelsen and co-authors, it teaches important social and life skills in a manner that is deeply respectful and encouraging for both children and adults.How to Become an Awakened Parent – An in-depth, comprehensive program that leads parents through a step by step process of examining themselves in order to raise empowered children. Master simple strategies for becoming an awakened parent, equipped to parent in a way that matches the world your children are growing up in.Get Your Child to Listen the First Time – Reduce your stress now. Enjoy your kids more and get things done the first time you ask. Get 19 solutions for getting your child to listen and do what s/he is asked. You’ll get real-life, practical solutions that you can use right away.
Related posts:
Positive Discipline Tips: How To Avoid Spanking Your ChildPositive Parenting: Discipline From The Inside OutPositive Discipline: Alternatives To Punishment For KidsPositive Discipline In The Classroom: Spare The Rod And Save The ChildPositive Classroom Discipline Techniques: Teaching Kids To Self-Discipline
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