We want to raise motivated kids. We want them to achieve the goals we set for them. What's wrong with that? Plenty! Let's find out why from this mom and what she did about it.
"I believe that the strongest motivator when setting goals is the "buy in". What I mean by that is who's goal is it that your child is achieving?
I found through much trial and error, that the goals my children failed to achieve were the ones I or someone else set for them. When we learned to communicate and set goals together, they were much more likely to succeed because they were passionate and could visualize the results.
It has also made them much more goal oriented because they have felt the effects of both achieving and failing at something they set their mind on.
When they failed at something I put out there for them... They didn't take ownership or accountability because " it wasn't their idea anyway!".
When they hit an obstacle on the path to their own goal. They were more creative in finding a way around it...and prouder of themselves when they accomplished it." Posted by Tara Kennedy-Kline
Do you like this mom's "buy in" idea? Have you ever been expected to achieve a goal that someone set for you? Have you ever rebelled because you didn't "buy in" to the goal?
This mom sits down with her kids and teaches them how to set the goals they want to achieve. She found they:
1. Could visualize their goal.
2. Took responsibility for their goal.
3. Became passionate about achieving their goal.
4. Found solutions to the obstacles to their goal.
5. Felt proud when they achieved their goal.
Let us know what you think about Tara's motivation ideas in the comment link below.
A Special Gift for You!
Parents, when holidays, birthdays, and special occasions are near, buy toys that teach, entertain, and last. If you're tired of wasting money on toys that break:
Get a FREE Copy of 21 of the Best Learning Toys for Kids. How? Just leave your comment about Raising Motivated Kids in the comment link below and I'll email you your FREE copy. Be sure to leave your name and email address.
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
One more thing:
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Maya was at her wits’ end. Her little Misha, all of 13 months old, would not stay quiet for even ten seconds without her. The result – stress with a capital ‘S’ for Maya.
Cut to Ria, whose every trip to the bathroom or to the kitchen for a glass of water made her 7-month-old son howl in agonies of abandonment. Naturally, both Maya and Ria wanted to know where they were going wrong.
Both were doing everything for their babies that they thought needed doing. In fact, Misha had an elder sister who went to kindergarten, so Maya was not exactly new to the whole baby rearing business. And still….
The problem we are talking about here is termed as ‘separation anxiety’, which is defined as a form of extreme stress experienced by a child if any caregiver, parent or sibling with whom they interact on a daily basis is not in sight.
It generally starts around the six-month mark and can go on till the age of three. By the age of six months, babies connect with the primary caregiver completely, and in shy or insecure babies this manifests itself as clinginess.
In the cases mentioned above, the babies had separation anxiety even when the separation was for the briefest of moments. According to experts, all toddlers experience this at some stage in their growing years.
Some adjust soon, especially where both parents are working or otherwise unavailable for long periods. Others take time, but eventually get used to the idea that sometimes mom has to go out.
At times, slightly older children (between the ages of two to three years) experience separation anxiety if a change happens too fast for them to absorb. Such changes could be in school environment, when the mother picks up a job, etc.
Separations are inevitable – you really can’t be with your child 24/7/365. As a parent, you can’t avoid separation only because you don’t want your child to feel the pain. To ensure that your child grows up emotionally secure and well-adjusted, there are certain factors to keep in mind to relieve both yourself and your child of unnecessary stress.
The first and most important factor is that separation is a part of life. The second-most important one is that at no point of time should the parent or parents ignore or ridicule the child’s distress. It is very real and very frightening to them.
Chances are that you will end up increasing the clinginess if you ignore the underlying reasons, and if you ridicule or punish them. Doing so may create tensions in the bonding process and the development of a loving and trusting relationship. The child might feel that he or she cannot really approach the parent in times of distress.
If you are working parents who employ a babysitter or caretaker, ensure that your baby has had a chance to get used to the new caregiver before you vanish from sight. As a parent, you must ensure that there is consistency in your child’s life.
This would mean avoiding a string of babysitters, too – limit yourselves to one or two whom your child is visibly comfortable and happy with. If you have registered your child at a day care center, go to the center with your child and spend a little time with them there to begin with. This will help them get used to the new place.
All kids like a particular toy or stuffed animal – their special ‘friend’ (you will know kids who sleep with their favorite teddy, blanket or doll.) The reason they treasure these objects is because they represent consistency and security.
Experts refer to this as providing transitional objects. Little ones who have some form of separation anxiety or the other benefit a lot from them, so make sure your child has his or her favorite ‘friend’ around.
A favorite toy or blanket can help calm an anxious child
• A good way to reduce clinginess is by boosting your child’s confidence. You can begin by letting him do small things on their own. This make him feel independent and grown up, and that is important.
• When clinginess starts to manifest as you are about to leave for someplace, talk to your kid straight – as in “I have to go out to buy vegetables / get medicines.” Explain why this is important, when you plan to go and when you will return.
• Never EVER sneak out on your child. A firm bye-bye, a hug and kiss, a promise to return soon, maybe with a small surprise, will serve to increase the child’s confidence and trust and he will let himself be diverted by other activities. Make the child feel involved in the whole process and you will have a far better-adjusted child on your hands.
• With your toddler, play games like peek-a-boo where he controls the separation. Soon, your little one will get used to not seeing you for a bit. When you go for your bath or to the kitchen, give him something to keep him engaged. Keep the TV on – voices can help build a secure feeling in a child.
• Provide reassurance wherever required. Don’t let your child feel that he is being left alone because he was ‘bad’ or that his parents don’t want him. Such reassurance is very important, and offering it will go a long way in cementing your child’s trust in you.
• Finally, spend quality time with your child on your return to still any fears he may have had.
Turnaround: Cure Your Child’s Anxiety – A professionally developed audio treatment program that teaches your child how to stop anxious thoughts, calm uncomfortable feelings, and use proven strategies to overcome anxiety. Based on the most effective treatment for child anxiety (CBT), Turnaround uses a story to invite your child to join six other anxious children on an imaginary 10-day camping adventure that teaches them how to break free from their fears.The Art of Raising Anxiety-Free Kids – If your child struggles with anxiety, fear, or excessive worry, helping them overcome those challenges NOW can change their entire lives for the better. Subscribe to the free email course on raising anxiety-free kids.Bach Flower Therapy – A simple, effective and reliable system of eliminating common behavioral negativities, negative attitude and pessimistic thinking. This unique self-help technique of personality development and self-empowerment works for everyone from children to older adults.
Child Psychology Information : How to Help Children Cope With Separation
Child Separation Anxiety Disorder
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With all the activity surrounding the Christmas season, it’s hard not to get stressed by the time Christmas Day comes around.
What you need to remember is that are always things you can do to relieve the stress. Here are some holiday stress relief tips to help you reclaim your Christmas spirit.
Shopping Tips
Take the stress off shopping by choosing to shop online or via mail order catalogs where possible. You won’t need to wade through huge crowds, you can shop in your pajamas, and you have access to a much larger selection of gifts than you would have in brick and mortar stores.
During Christmas, many online retailers offer promotions such as free shipping or special discounts on shipping. With the ability to compare prices easily online, its very likely that you’ll end up saving money, including the savings on gas for the trip.
If you end up shopping in brick and mortar stores, make a list before you venture out and stick to it. It is a lot easier to adhere to a list rather than wander around aimlessly for hours in the stores.
Keep Your Friends Close
For your shopping trip, you might want to consider taking friends along. You could go to the mall, shop separately, and meet up to relax over a cup of hot chocolate or coffee later on.
Learn how to make lemonade out of lemons. If you know that you have to go to a dreaded dinner with certain relatives, for example, then invite a few friendlier people along.
Take time outs for yourself, even if its 15 minutes a day
Take Baby Steps
Try to break up the chores and do a little at a time. For example, if you decide to cook Christmas dinner, you can cook certain things the day before so that you aren’t in such frenzy the day of Christmas. If you give out Christmas cards, put the pile by your nightstand, and write out a few every night before you go to bed.
Set Goals
When you have an end point, you can visualize it. Decide to complete all your holiday tasks by December 22nd, for example, so that you can relax for the next few days. You might even consider listing out your goals and due dates.
Exercise
Exercise is an immediate mood lifter. Take as little as 20 minutes and go for a walk. You will reduce stress hormones and increase your endorphins, putting you in a much more relaxed state, ready to face the day ahead.
Don’t Overeat
It is very easy to eat more than you normally would, with all of the parties and cookies being passed around. However, when you eat too much, you’ll feel stuffed, uncomfortable and guilty for cheating on your diet. Eat smaller portions and you’ll be happier and healthier.
Get ‘Me’ Time
Take time outs for yourself, even if its as little as 15 minutes a day. Listen to relaxing music, go for a walk, or paint your nails – whatever will make you happy. These 15 “me” minutes can absolutely transform your day.
Follow these tips to relieve your holiday stress, and you’ll be as upbeat and radiant as your Christmas tree by the time Christmas comes around.
Kids Christmas Activities Package – Keeping kids happy and busy at Christmas is easy if you have the right activities to give them. These printable Christmas activities and games for children give kids hours and hours of good, old fashioned TV-free fun! With these colorful, fun and educational Christmas worksheets and Christmas games, kids will think that it’s Christmas day already.All-Time Family Favorite Holiday Recipes – Over 300 recipes to plan your memorable holiday menus. From great main dishes like Kevin’s Roast Duck W/Orange Sauce and side dishes like Heavenly Holiday Sweet Potatoes to cookie favorites like Old Fashioned Peanut Butter Cookies and tasty breads like Christmas Bread, this list of a few of the over 300 recipes is the only collection you will need to plan your memorable holiday menus.Letters from Santa: Official North Pole Mail – Imagine if you could send your child a letter from Santa Claus himself, signed by him, stating exactly your name and what you wanted for Christmas? Give that thrill to the special child in your life this year and give them a reason to believe.
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Of course you know that a child’s learning process begins from the time of conception, and of the importance of the first six years of life in her brain development. You are also aware that what your child absorbs in these six years will finally determine what she may make of her life.
Incidentally, her interest towards her education may also depend on what she is exposed to in her formative years. For this reason and many more, it is crucial that your child gets quality preschool education.
Your child needs to interact with other kids in school, even at the cost of being away from you and other familiar faces at home. Sure, many parents need a lot of time to prepare their kids for a preschool, since their little ones suffer from separation anxiety.
However, once your child begins to attend a preschool, she gets to see the same faces regularly for two to three hours. This leads to early bonding with kids from her own age group, which is very important.
A preschool provides your child a stable group of peers for interaction, sharing and playing, while adults associated with the preschool help build the important trait of trusting elders other than parents and grandparents.
Children make friends and develop a good vocabulary faster when they attend a preschool. Importantly, they also learn to stay away from you and not miss you, enjoy games and activities with their friends, and to play in a group without ruffling feathers.
They also learn to listen to teachers, talk when it is their turn and raise their hands to answer. These, along with sitting still in class, are skills that give your child a true edge over children who have not gone through a preschool. Such kids tend to be delights to their teachers.
Conversing with peers will help your child make choices and personal decisions. Being encouraged by teachers will boost her confidence and help her set goals for herself.
Sheetal was amazed when her four-year-old son Gaurang came back from school one day and told her that, during an activity in school, he chose Rhea to be his partner and not Shlok because he had seen Shlok throw a stone at a dog. He was learning to think critically!
Reena’s daughter learnt to say “I love you” to her parents every time she felt happy about something they did. “We are not so expressive with her at home, so we were quite happy when she picked this up from her teacher,” says Reena.
With many contemporaries to interact with, a child will improve his communication skills, the expression of his feelings, and to empathise with people.
Interacting with other kids in school improves social and communication skills
Gross and fine motor skills tend to develop rapidly in the preschool age. Singing action songs, rhymes, etc. gives your child a sense of space and direction, and crawling, hopping and following different animals in school helps in gross motor development.
Activities like crumpling paper, tearing it to bits (as you know, kids do this with a lot of dexterity) and using child safe scissors to cut it, are excellent for the development of fine motor skills, as do finger painting and other craftwork activities.
Today, preschools offer some great learning programmes for children. The focus has shifted from teaching children core academics to enhancing their creativity and imagination through interesting activities and play. Your child still learns his ABCs and numbers, but in a way that he enjoys.
On a certain day, his school may introduce the number seven to him and on the next, he may colour seven ducks. This may be followed by a story about seven thieves and a film based on Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. So, even if your child comes home with a song on his lips rather than a one to ten, you can rest assured that he is still learning – and in the best possible way.
All moms need the occasional two or three hours away from their toddlers. Don’t you sometimes eye your spouse enviously when he is able to treat your tot so lovingly, without a trace of irritation?
“That is what quality time with your child is,” you always tell yourself. You could certainly deal with your child more patiently if you got a little time away from him, getting a few hours on your own to catch up with sleep, watching TV, reading, etc.
When you entrust your child to a preschool rather than a daycare or a domestic help, you get stress-free time away from your child, knowing that he is in a safe environment, taken care of by expert hands and learning age-appropriate stuff in a manner that he enjoys.
Children who attend preschool tend to have better reading abilities, math skills and richer vocabularies. However, do keep in mind that much depend son the quality of the chosen preschool, which must be carefully selected.
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Until a few years ago, residential or boarding schools were known for all the wrong reasons – it was assumed that they are places to keep children of divorced parents, or children with learning or behavioral difficulties.
The fact is, they can be pretty nifty places for a growing child. If you have been entertaining the notion that only uncaring parents send their children to boarding school, you should look at how many confident, enthusiastic and well-equipped kids pass out of them each year.
A boarding school can also be the perfect place for a child from a normal, happy family. Such institutions can help a child become responsible, independent, resourceful, self-motivated and add social skills that do not come about under most ‘normal’ circumstances.
Moreover, a child learns to deal better with matters like peer pressure, poor self image and various emotional issues. Thanks to the more or less disciplined and structured approach used in such institutions, a child also has the advantage of being insulated from a variety of negative influences that parents worry about these days.
Of course, staying in touch with teachers is a bit more challenging for parents with children in boarding schools. Often, it is far from where the child’s parents live, so attending local PTA meetings is not exactly easy.
Because of the limitations of distance, it is generally more difficult for parents to build a working rapport with the child’s teachers than it would be in a regular high school. Thankfully, the Internet has opened up various possibilities on this front. There are now social networking sites designed specifically for parents and teachers.
Kids in boarding schools learn to be responsible, independent and resourceful
If you have a child in a boarding school (or intend to puts yours in one) it makes a lot of sense to sign up on one of these parent teacher networking sites, which provide a protected online environment in which you can correspond with your child’s teachers as well as with other parents of children in the same institution.
Through such a parent teacher networking site, you can also stay abreast with what is happening in the school in terms of curriculum, extra-curricular activities and events that you may wish to attend.
Since the world of communication has opened up on such a vast scale, parents all over the world are finding it easy and convenient to keep in touch with teachers and school authorities.
Apart from the fact that boarding schools have now assumed a far more positive image and that their benefits are universally recognized, you as a parent can now be part of your child’s school life no matter where the school is.
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There’s a sneaky force taking over the minds of girls everywhere. Sound like the evil plot of a dark fictional cartoon? Fact is, TV and other forms of media, like teen magazines, have a huge influence on the health of teen girls.
What you watch on the tube affects your self-esteem, shopping decisions and even facial expressions (eye-roll much?). But most of all, it affects how you feel about your body.
According to a recent study by the Girl Scout Research Institute, nearly three-fourths of girls fess up to comparing their looks to those of girls in the media.
On ABC’s “Ugly Betty,” the main character is forced to face her insecurities as a misfit working in the perfectionist world of fashion magazines. Surrounded by stick-thin models and cosmetically enhanced editors, Betty embraces a unique sense of style, which, along with her size, sparks ridicule from her co-workers.
But here’s the thing: Betty is the most normal one of the bunch, braces and all! Props to America Ferrara, who plays the lead role, for rocking the same healthy attitude in real life that Betty portrays on the show.
America Ferrara, like Betty, doesn’t get blinded by the glitz and glam of celebrity culture. And Betty, like America, feels OK about herself despite her superficial surroundings. Maybe that’s because she knows models are thinner than a whopping 98 percent of us!
Here’s something that might shock you: Celebrities are human! That’s right, the celebs you see on TV get zits, wake up with dark circles under their eyes and have frizzed-out hair days. So why do they always look so put together on camera?
Well, you’d have a celeb-perfect look too if you had an entourage of professionals — makeup artists, hairstylists, custom spray-tanning pros — to help you get ready for school in the morning, right? And then there are all those other tricks of the TV trade: lighting, camera angles, digital editing.
Glance around your classroom, and you’ll see girls of all different body types. Does TV represent this? Hardly. Even “reality” shows like “The Real World” on MTV almost always cast only those who photograph the best. (Realize too that the most photogenic people are not necessarily the most beautiful.)
Heidi Montag, star of MTV’s “The Hills,” serves up a cautionary tale. The 23-year- old got sucked into the “perfect beauty” myth and recently underwent a 10-hour marathon of plastic surgery to drastically alter her appearance.
Among other procedures, Heidi had her breasts increased to DDD size; liposuction on her neck, waist, hips and thighs; and a butt augmentation. On top of the changes to her bod, she had so many alterations done to her face that she’s barely recognizable as the fresh-faced young girl she used to be.
Heidi Montag, celeb plastic surgery fan, is a victim of distorted body image
“She was so pretty before, and now she looks weird,” says 11-year-old Megan, a Girl World Daily reader. “TV can be a big influence, but I’ve learned it’s basically kinda fake. Nobody is perfect!”
Jealous that your BFF can eat half a dozen cupcakes without gaining an ounce? Or maybe you hate your muscle-thick thighs because you want lanky legs like Taylor Swift’s. Or have you been wishing really hard that your boobs were … different?
Fat butt, pointy boobs, muffin top … stop that right now! As they say in Hollywood, image is everything. And if you have a positive self-image, you’ll project that. It’s totally true that when you feel good, you look good. Here’s how to love and embrace your body — and stop wishing you had someone else’s.
Body Slam: “I’m so fat!”
Here’s something any naturally skinny girl will tell you: “I hate my [fill in the blank].” Just because bony chicks never (seem to) gain weight doesn’t mean they don’t have their own gripes. They might think they have ugly feet or big ears or wish they had a “better” butt. Get it?
Image Makeover: Did you know the average age a female starts dieting is 8 years old? Isn’t that hard to read? Girl, let’s eat! But let’s not devour a whole row of cookies. Simply eat until you’re full at meals. Hint: This does not mean feeling like you’re about to burst.
Body Slam: “No amount of exercise will change my shape.”
Actually, it will. Giving up is the main reason people fail to meet their exercise goals. A few weeks of some bo-ring fitness regimen, and your brain muscle is associating the whole deal with suffering. No wonder it feels like a lost cause.
Image Makeover: Ever notice how groups of athletes have similar body builds? Swimmer guys — rawr! — with broad, built shoulders? Lean soccer players? Ballerinas and B-girls? This is because they repeatedly use the same muscle groups. If you play to your bod’s strengths, you’ll love how it develops. But take up activities you enjoy. Hit Skateland for weekly open rink sessions. Ride your bike for a half hour every day. Dance to your favorite music vids. Bust a move!
Body Slam: “Celebs are all so much better looking than me.”
Taylor Swift is pretty, and the record execs who pick teen sensations took one look at her and saw dollar signs. Taylor wasn’t put into the recording studio just because of her voice — the industry wanted you to covet her looks. And it worked. You love those legs, that hair, whatever … and you buy her music. You feeling bad about yourself because she is cute makes no sense.
Image Makeover: Taylor works it, but even she has insecurities. She’s said she feels like she towers over guys. She also fights frizzies. She has her crud, you have yours — all girls do! And not to be mean, but ever notice how Taylor gets dumped by all her dudes? Long legs aren’t everything.
Body Slam: “I hate my boobs!”
Teens are especially hard on themselves about their boobs because, well, they’re very new to you. It’s only been a minute, but already you wish they were bigger or smaller or had different nipples. Enough!
Image Makeover: Who are these “perfect” boobs for? Your to-do: Buy the prettiest, best-fitting bra you can find and think of it as part of the whole boobie package. Boobs come in all fabulous shapes and sizes, so stop with the self-sabotage.
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Last year’s H1N1 virus, also known as swine flu, triggered the first flu pandemic in decades. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there were more than 60 million cases of H1N1, more than 274,000 hospitalizations and approximately 12,500 deaths.
Learn what to expect from H1N1 in the coming year, so you and your family can stay healthy during cold and flu season.
In August, the World Health Organization declared the H1N1 pandemic over. Out-of-season outbreaks have waned, H1N1 is no longer the dominant influenza virus, and much of the population has either been vaccinated or exposed to the virus. “At this time, we do not see any evidence of another pandemic on the horizon,” says Jeffrey Dimond, a spokesman for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
While this is good news, it doesn’t mean you can abandon your efforts to keep yourself and your family safe from swine flu. “The H1N1 virus is still circulating,” explains Dimond. “Like other seasonal flu strains, it will probably begin circulating more aggressively as we get into flu season this fall.”
The No. 1 way to protect yourself and your loved ones from H1N1 is to get vaccinated. This year, there are some important changes to the vaccination process:
• Just one vaccine
Do you remember getting two shots last year? There were two different influenza vaccines — one for seasonal flu and one for swine flu. That’s because H1N1 wasn’t identified until after manufacturers had already started to produce the seasonal flu vaccine.
“This year, one influenza vaccine that also incorporates H1N1 will be available,” says Dr. Peter Katona, associate clinical professor of medicine in the department of infectious diseases at the University of California, Los Angeles, Health System.
• Increased distribution
In February, a panel of immunization experts voted to expand the influenza vaccine recommendation to include everyone 6 months and older. In past years, it focused on children, the elderly and those in close contact with people at higher risk.
The hope is that these changes will make the 2010-11 flu season less dangerous. One thing that hasn’t changed is when and where to get your vaccine. Check with your doctor, neighborhood clinic or local pharmacy; yearly flu vaccination should begin in September or as soon as it’s available.
Too often people make the mistake of waiting until coworkers and friends are sniffling and sneezing, but it’s best to get vaccinated before flu season peaks to stop the spread of germs. Not sure where to get vaccinated? Visit the CDC’s Flu Vaccine Finder at www.cdc.gov/flu
A flu shot isn’t license to slack off on other stay-healthy strategies. “The flu is unpredictable, so we just don’t know at this time to what extent any rebound of H1N1 flu might occur,” says Dimond. That’s why it’s crucial to follow this flu-fighting checklist to stay well and keep your family germ-free.
Basic hand hygiene is the key to swine flu prevention
• Wash up
Hygiene is key to stopping the spread of H1N1. “Wash your hands with soap and warm water for at least 30 seconds, and use alcohol-based hand sanitizers when soap and water are not available,” says Dimond.
• Cover your coughs
Sneeze and cough into the crook of your elbow, not your hand, if you don’t have a tissue. When you sneeze, thousands of infectious droplets go flying. If they land on your hands, you spread the germs to anything you touch, where they can remain contagious for several hours.
• Take a sick day
Feeling under the weather? Don’t go into the office, and don’t send your little one to school when she’s ill. “You may think you’re impressing coworkers with your dedication, but you’re not doing anyone any favors by spreading germs around the office,” says Dimond.
• Bolster your immune system
“Eat a healthy diet, engage in regular exercise and practice stress-reduction techniques,” says Katona. Stock up on antioxidant-rich fruits and vegetables, take a brisk walk most days, and engage in some soothing me-time (try practicing yoga or meditation or taking a long, hot bath).
Expert Q& A: What’s The Most Important Thing Kids Can Do At School To Avoid Spreading The Flu?
You can help stop cold and flu season in its tracks by helping your child learn to take a hands-free approach to hygiene. In other words, teach your little one to cough and sneeze into the crook of the elbow instead of into the hand.
Cover that sneeze: Teach your kids basic flu prevention methods
Here’s why: If your child blocks a sneeze with his hands, the germs then spread to anything he touches – desks, chairs and pencils – and they can remain contagious for several hours.
And it doesn’t take much of a sneeze to start the spread of germs. Just one “achoo” releases thousands of infectious droplets into the air. It’s no wonder scientists estimate that about 80 percent of infections are transmitted by hand!
You can help make this stay-healthy strategy a habit by designating a “sneeze spot” on your kid’s sleeve with a sticker. But why is the elbow the safest spot to catch a cough? Unlike the hand, it doesn’t touch much of anything.
Finally, make sure your whole family does the elbow sneeze all year long — not just during cold and flu season — to remind your child to follow suit.
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Are you looking for Christmas decorations that look festive and unique, but don’t cost a bomb or take up hours of your precious time to make and put up? Here are some charming Christmas decoration ideas that will save you time and money.
One quick tip is to hang holiday wreaths all over. Put them on all the doors and front windows that you have. Use real ones if you can, for that aromatic Christmas holiday smell. If you want to go artificial, you can still get the visual effects you want and save money in the long-term.
There's nothing more Christmassy than a traditional wreath
Another idea is to sponge-paint Christmas shapes to your windows. Make stars, ornaments, or anything else that you can think of. Add a teaspoon of dish detergent to the acrylic paint so that it comes out easily when it’s time to take it down. This is a fun Christmas decoration that the kids will enjoy helping you with.
Buy clay and paint, and make some ornaments with your children. This will save you money, give you special bonding time with them, and add a touch of old-world charm to your tree.
Add bows to everything. Add them to your stairs, doors, plants, or garlands, for some instant flair. These Christmas decorations look festive, and you can hang on to them over the years and reuse them again and again to save money.
Light candles. Aromatic candles are an alluring Christmas decoration, and inexpensive at that. You can buy tea light candles at your local dollar store, drop them into jars that you have around the house, add some ribbon, and poof – you have a great Christmas decoration!
Aromatic candles are an alluring Christmas decoration
Make garlands out of felt scraps. Cut out Christmas shapes, tie together with ribbon or string, and hang your new decoration throughout your house.
Take your pictures down, wrap them up like gifts, and put them back up. You can either do this throughout the house, or just in the entrance rooms. Fill a pretty basket with candy canes, and put it on top of a table in the entry room.
Make a wreath with candies tied on, and accessible scissors. This is not only festive, but it’s a fun and inexpensive Christmas decoration. Pile pinecones with bows in baskets. Decorate your doors with gift-wrap and bows and make them look like presents.
Start a Christmas decoration collection. Try making something new every year. This will not only start a fun holiday tradition in your family, but it will help you save money in the long run.
Remember, you don’t really need to buy decorations for your home this Christmas season – you can sew or craft your unique decorations by yourself or with the help of your family.
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Inexpensive Holiday Decor
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When we think of giving gifts, we usually think of things to buy for people. Yet if you think back on gifts you’ve been given, it might not be the material gifts you received that are foremost in your mind – it might be the kind of gifts that deeply touched your heart and soul.
It might be various ways, other than material things, that people expressed their love to you. There are five gifts of love that we can give to our families that can make a huge difference in their lives.
We all yearn to feel cared for, yet many of us withhold caring and compassion for others. A profound gift we can give to our loved ones is to listen with our heart, to understand and accept rather than to judge, and to stay open to learning rather than to protect against being hurt.
Think about the last time someone actually listened to you and gave you understanding and acceptance. The feeling of being understood and accepted with caring and compassion is one of the best feelings in the world.
Instead of focusing on getting this from others, why not focus on giving it to others? You might be surprised at how wonderful you feel in giving this gift to your family.
One of the best gifts we can give our loved ones is our own courage. This means being having the courage to stand in our truth, to be honest about what we want and don’t want, what we will do and won’t do, what is and what is not acceptable to us. It means having the courage to take good care of ourselves, even if others don’t like it.
It means not succumbing to our controlling behaviors that come from fear: anger, withdrawal, compliance, resistance, but instead being honest and above-board about ourselves. It means being willing to face conflict rather than give ourselves up to avoid it.
When we have the courage to face conflict and tell the truth, we not only provide our family with a role model for courage, but we provide opportunities for our loved ones to step up to the plate in the face of our truth and learn to be courageous too.
We are on this planet to learn to love ourselves and each other, and to help each other. One of the best gifts we can give our family is to role model this by doing service. Helping others fills the heart and soul in ways that nothing else can.
If children do not see their parents doing service and helping others, they may never learn the great joy and fulfillment that comes from giving. One of the best gifts we can give to our family is to provide ways of doing service.
Lightness of being is a great gift to give to others
All of us are born with various ways of expressing our creativity. Expressing creativity is a profound way of connecting with Spirit, since expressed creativity is a direct expression of Spirit. Providing your family with many ways of expressing their creativity is a great gift.
Creativity can be expressed in so many ways – cooking, crafts, building things, music, art, movement, telling stories, writing, humor, photography and video – the possibilities are endless! Creative family projects are especially wonderful in creating family closeness.
Lightness of being – fun, joy, laughter, playfulness – is a great gift to give to others. Lightness of being is infectious – our laughter and playfulness can help others take life less seriously and “lighten up.”
Lightness of being is one the results of all the other gifts – of caring, courage, service and creativity. When we give these gifts, we feel a wonderful lightness within, the lightness that is the result of fully giving from the heart.
Our own lightness of being can bring lightness into our whole family. Children love it when their parents are playful, fun-loving and joyful. Laughing together as a family is one of the most precious experiences in life.
We need to focus of giving these gifts each day, not just during a holiday season or special occasions. These gifts are far more important than any material thing we can buy for someone.
In fact, we might not be so focused on material gifts if we frequently give the gift of love – of caring, compassion, courage, service, creativity, and lightness of being.
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Christmas is a special time of the year for parents and an even more magical one for babies. The Christmas tree, presents, shiny decorations, colorful lights, smells, tastes and sounds make Christmas Day a complete sensory delight.
Unfortunately, the celebrations can be both exhausting and stressful, so it is important to keep in mind that your baby still needs your love and warmth and the security of a familiar routine. It is also worth considering the safety aspects of anything that can be harmful to your baby.
Here are ten top tips to ensure that your baby enjoys the festivities:
1. Cuddles
Christmas provides the perfect excuse for relatives and friends to get together to enjoy the celebrations. To ensure that your baby does not become too overwhelmed from the excitement, limit guests to family and close friends.
If they want to hold or play with your baby, keep the changeovers to a minimum and make sure that you are available for a cuddle when needed. Nothing is more important to your baby’s emotional well-being than your reassuring presence.
2. Routine
Make your baby’s first Christmas as enjoyable as possible by keeping his or her routine the same. Too much change can raise your baby’s stress levels. To avoid emotional insecurity, give presents when your baby is alert and ready to play and stick to the normal schedule for eating and sleeping.
If you are nursing your baby, find a quiet place away from the action. Both of you will appreciate the chance to relax and spend some peaceful time together.
3. Comforter
Christmas Day provides a wealth of sensory stimulation for your baby, but look out for signs of over stimulation and tiredness. Too much excitement can make your baby grumpy or miserable.
A favorite blanket or toy can provide the emotional comfort and security that your baby needs, but stay close by to provide a reassuring touch.
4. Toys
Age and stage appropriate toys will stimulate your baby’s senses, offer a wealth of learning opportunities and lead development forwards.
Black and white objects bright, colorful toys and mobiles that make soft, gentle sounds will stimulate the interest of a newborn or very young baby. Favorite toys for babies aged three to six months include objects that can be brought to the mouth and play gyms that can be biffed and kicked.
From six to nine months of age, pop-up toys, musical instruments, tea sets and activity centers with buttons to press will provide an endless source of amusement. Large plastic bricks, wooden puzzles with handles, shape sorters, drums and push along toys are fun and educational for babies aged nine to twelve months.
However, giving your baby too many toys on Christmas Day can be overwhelming. Limit the number of toys to one or two at any one time to maintain interest. If your baby becomes irritable, change the activity.
5. Books
Books are one of the best toys for babies and it is never too early to introduce them. Books that contain textured or sparkly materials, large, brightly colored pictures and hide-and-seek surprises that encourage interaction with a familiar adult make great Christmas presents.
Snuggling up close and talking about the pictures is a wonderful way to introduce new words and sounds. For relatives or friends who find it difficult to know what to say to your baby, reading a story makes talking much easier.
6. Creative Presents
Creative presents can brighten up your baby’s first Christmas. A treasure basket containing interesting objects or a cardboard box filled with paper or fabric offers endless learning possibilities.
However, safety is an important consideration. Christmas tags that have sharp edges, long ribbons and homemade creations that contain small parts can present a serious hazard. Never give plastic wrap and Styrofoam products to your baby. If swallowed, they may adhere to the lining of the gut causing blockage and infection.
Toys designed for older children such as electronic games and singing Christmas cards may contain batteries or magnets, which if ingested, can adhere to internal tissues and leak dangerous chemicals. Always err on the side of safety and discard the toy.
Make Christmas Day a complete sensory delight for your baby
7. Games
Play with relatives and friends can be very enriching for your baby on Christmas Day. For example, they can show your baby how a new toy works or get involved in turn-taking activities such as rolling a ball back and forth.
Time-honored games such as peek-a-boo, blowing ‘raspberries’ and being tickled with a soft brush are lovely ways to stimulate smiles and giggles. Adult interaction is vital for healthy emotional and social development because it spells love and warmth and shows your baby that he or she is fun to be with.
However, your baby will also need time to explore on his or her own terms. A balance of quality adult interactions and baby-driven play is a time-tested way of ensuring that your baby makes discoveries and solves problems.
8. Smells
Pine needles, scented potpourri, cinnamon, spices, herbs and Christmas cooking smells offer your baby a multi-sensory experience and may be associated with fond memories in years to come.
Good smells can enhance your baby’s mood and behavior, but it will be trial and error finding out which ones appeal the most. Your baby’s facial expressions should indicate whether one odor is preferred to another.
Avoid essential oils, since these may contain a high phenol content, which can irritate your baby’s skin. Other scents that can cause an allergic reaction include Arum lilies, mustard and horseradish.
9. Decorations
Babies are very attracted to colored lights, shiny decorations, tinsel and glitter. All these things will stimulate your baby’s senses and accelerate learning. However, safety is all-important.
Putting presents under the Christmas tree provides a tactile experience for your baby, but place gifts of perfume and aftershave out of reach. They may contain chemicals that could be harmful if swallowed.
Your baby will love the shiny decorations, but make sure that they are shatterproof and do not present a choking hazard. Avoid using mistletoe or holly as decorations. Ingested berries can cause severe vomiting, diarrhea and drowsiness.
Use low voltage LED tree lights that meet the safety standards or better still, use battery-operated fairy lights, which do not get hot. The best option is to pick your baby up and look at the Christmas tree together from a safe distance. This will help your baby to feel a part of what is going on.
10. At The End Of A Busy Day
Christmas carols, songs and music bring warmth and happiness to Christmas Day and they set the tone for a relaxed and inviting atmosphere. Music is one of most beneficial learning resources for your baby and its effect on intellectual development is far-reaching.
Music can also help your baby to relax and drift into peaceful sleep at the end of a busy day. There is nothing more important to your baby than snuggling up in your arms and hearing you sing a favorite lullaby. This is the best way to ensure the end of a wonderful Christmas.
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CONNIE FRANCIS – Baby’s First Christmas (1961)
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How does your child interact with the world? At the beach, does he stop to observe how the sand feels between his toes or head straight for the water to jump in?
On a walk in the park, does he listen for the sounds different birds make or pretend he can fly with arms spread wide? In the backyard, does he look under rocks for bugs or collect sticks to play with later?
The answers to those questions tell you something about how your child naturally takes in information. And understanding his particular style at an early age will make introducing new ideas and activities easier for you — and a lot more fun for him.
The concept of different learning styles, or multiple intelligences, is well known to educators. Harvard professor and psychologist Howard Gardner came up with the theory that all children have a very specific strength through which they learn, whether it’s music, art, motor skills, reading and talking, math concepts, understanding nature, or socializing with others.
Teachers and parents can focus on those strengths to help kids learn in the best way possible. But categorizing toddlers and preschoolers into one of these narrow areas does risk overlooking other strengths.
Toddlers are still “developing the skills they need to adapt to the world around them,” says Maurice J. Elias, Ph.D., professor of child, family, and clinical psychology at Rutgers University. Still, there’s no doubt that it’s easier for young children to learn when information is adapted to them than when they have to adapt to it.
The categories for toddlers are much broader, according to Elias. There’s the active learner, the quiet learner, and the child who falls somewhere in between. Here’s how to know what type your child is.
The active learner is busy, inquisitive, curious, and obviously eager to learn. She’s chatty and soaks up her experiences like a sponge. She may be physically active too, with well-developed large-motor skills and some fine motor skills, too.
Knowing what interests her will be relatively easy to find out – she’ll tell you or show you. Let those interests guide the activities you plan. The child who jumps on every swing set she sees may not enjoy sitting and listening to you read a story.
So adapt story-time to her natural style. Choose picture books that reflect subjects she’s interested in, and let her act out the story as you read.
Let your child's interests guide the activities you plan
The quiet learner may seem less interested in his surroundings, but don’t assume he’s not experiencing them. He most likely enjoys being read to, and consequently may have strong verbal skills. He may also be a more tactile learner who takes in information through his senses: by touch, hearing or seeing.
To get him to express his interests and thoughts, ask questions about his day, and look for opportunities to involve him in activities. Let him dig his hands into a bowl of dry rice to feel its texture before you cook it. Once you’re sitting at the dinner table, ask him to describe the texture after it’s prepared.
The in-between child demonstrates a mixture of learning styles. He may be physically active and still love to have stories told to him. He may enjoy feeling the graininess of the sand as much as splashing in the water.
Build on his interests whenever possible, using many different types of messages and experiences. This child may later develop a more specific style, but for now, he’s open to many different opportunities to learn.
Temperament also plays a role in how children learn, according to Elias. For example, a child who is sensitive to strong stimuli, such as loud noises, may not respond well to a noisy live show no matter how much he loves the costumed characters on stage.
Knowing what feelings your child brings to his experiences will help you decide what he should or shouldn’t participate in.
TIP: Different Presentations
Present material to your child in different ways. If you’re talking about clouds, draw a picture, fill a sponge with water, or make up a silly song.
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Jill is a single mom of a nine-year-old daughter, whom she’s been raising by herself since Haley was an infant. “The hardest part about being a single parent is having no one else there when Haley acts up. It’s all me. She doesn’t listen to me, and then I just don’t know what to do. I’m really getting anxious about her teenage years. I’m not sure if I can keep her on track by myself, she’s so willful.”
Jill is far from being alone. Single parenting is one of the toughest jobs on the planet, yet more than 50 percent of households in America are headed by just one mother or father. Much of the time that parent is working full-time and trying to maintain the home, in addition to everything that comes with parenting a child.
To make matters worse, often single moms and dads, like Jill, report feeling as if their children aren’t listening to them or following family rules. Coupled with the guilt that many single parents feel, this can be a one-two punch to the faith you have in the job you’re doing as you raise your kids on your own.
So what can you do to maintain confidence in yourself and peace in your home? Empowering Parents spoke with Dr. Jane Nelsen, Ed. D., the author and co-author of 17 acclaimed books on parenting, including Positive Discipline for Single Parents, and she offered this advice to those who are flying solo:
1. Remember that two is a family.
One single parent with one child, that’s a family. In society, just about everything is blamed on single parents and broken homes, and it’s really sad because it’s just not true. The most important thing is not the number of parents in the home, but the parenting. We always ask people, ‘Don’t you know single parents who have raised great kids?’
So instead of thinking, “We are a broken home,” say, “We are a single-parent home”— it’s just a different kind of family. I think a lot of being a successful single parent lies in your perception. By that, I mean single parents often think it’s more difficult for them.
It’s so easy to think the grass is greener on the other side, and yet when you have a two-parent family, your spouse might not be that supportive: There’s usually one parent that prefers to be more strict and one that’s more lenient, and then they fight about who is right.
A big part of changing your perceptions about single parenthood is if you see your situation differently. Try to see your family’s situation as an opportunity rather than a negative. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there aren’t any difficulties in being a single mom or dad, but there are advantages to keep in mind as well.
2. Give up your guilt.
What you believe, your kids will pick up on. If a single parent feels guilty about the dissolution of the marriage, their ability to provide financially, or any other reason, kids will work that.
But if a parent says “This is the way it is for us, we’ll make the best of it, we’re going to do just fine,” the child picks up on that confidence, security and commitment instead. If the single parent feels guilty and thinks they have to “make something up” to their children, the kids can start to feel either deprived or entitled.
Give your kids opportunities to feel needed and valued.
3. Let your kids know they’re needed in the family.
One of the biggest problems with children today is that they’re not “needed” in the family. They’re not given enough responsibilities and are not expected to meet the ones they have. But a single parent can truthfully say, “We’re a team, we can share the responsibility.”
Give your kids opportunities to feel needed and valued. Give them real responsibilities in the home such as helping with laundry or dinner (depending upon the child’s age.) Single parents can look at this as an opportunity, and say, “Wow, I really do need my kids.”
4. Solve problems together.
Our theme in the Positive Discipline books is focusing on solutions with your children. The more you get them involved in “What’s the problem and what’s the solution?” the more they’ll feel motivated to follow those rules. I think problems come up when parents start to dictate the rules, and single parents may feel they need to be more punitive to keep control.
We’re so afraid that if we don’t add punishment, we’re letting the child get away with something. I believe in allowing children to experience the consequences of their choices. Don’t “ball them out and then bail them out.” If your child is careless, leaves his bike in the driveway and it gets run over, a parent might punish him by saying, “OK, I’m not buying you a new bike and you can’t ride your bike anymore this summer.”
But they’ve already experienced the consequence: they’ve experienced loss or sadness by losing the bike. Instead, if you focus on solutions with your children, you can help them be more responsible. So now you can say, “I’m willing to sit down and work with you on how you can earn some money to buy a new bike.”
You don’t punish or rescue them – it’s not about permissiveness. You come up with a solution together. It’s a matter of being aware so you can focus on solutions.
5. What happens at the ex’s house stays at the ex’s house.
When another parent or an ex-spouse is involved, things can get complicated, especially if the rules of the other household your child spends time in are different. Often children will try to negotiate with you based on what goes on at your ex’s place.
When your kids don’t want to follow your family’s rules, say, “This is how we do things in our home.” Don’t let yourself be blackmailed or controlled by the ex and the rules (or lack thereof) in the ex’s home.6. Have regular family meetings with kids.This is important for all families, but is particularly helpful for single parents as it serves to provide structure.Sit down once a week and focus on what’s happening in the family. I advise parents to start the meeting with compliments, verbalize those, and then focus on solutions to problems that are cropping up together. You might say, “Jack, I really appreciate the way you’ve been keeping your room clean lately. Nice job.”Go around the table and have everyone say something good about each person present. Then work together as a family to set new rules. For example, maybe there’s been a lot of name-calling in the house. Your rule that week could be, “I want to stop the name-calling. It’s hurtful and I want it to stop.”Then, if it happens again later on that week, you can say, “Name calling is really a problem for me. I think it is hurtful and disrespectful. I would really like your help. What ideas do you have to solve the problem? Let’s brainstorm and see how many ideas we can come up with and then we’ll choose one that works for everyone.”With family meetings, kids feel needed, empowered, and motivated to meet their responsibilities. They feel listened to, valued, taken seriously. Kids rebel if they perceive that we keep trying to take their power away.We need to start training young children to use the power they do have by coming up with a solution that’s respectful of everyone. That’s why I love family meetings. It teaches them to contribute and use their power in useful ways. Do it once a week without fail, make it the most important date on your calendar so kids will know it, too.
You can also use your family meetings to come up with ideas for activities you’d like to do with your children—everyone can give a suggestion. Even though time is at a premium for single parents, be sure to remember to plan time for fun.
It doesn’t have to cost money or even take that long to do. Play Frisbee in the park, play a game, but try to schedule regular, fun activities with your kids. This will help you strengthen your family, and puts you on the road to single parenting success.
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Aromatic candles are an alluring Christmas decoration
Lightness of being is a great gift to give to others
Make Christmas Day a complete sensory delight for your baby
Let your child's interests guide the activities you plan
Give your kids opportunities to feel needed and valued.